Heard that phrase: 'the bottom line is...?'
It usually means the 'point' of the argument/discussion/plea whatever...
I think most of us are searching for that 'bottom line'...an understanding of the point to our painful existence. As many of you would already know, the journey to the bottom is loathsome. To have to endure a life in that abyss is more terrible still. The very worst thing however, is the social expectation that we get ourselves out of it.
'Get it together'...'get over it'.
Such callous remarks suggest that we alone are responsible for our predicament.
There is a benefit to be gained from such insensitive ultimatums. (Admittedly, not a deliberate one on the part of those who make such demands so there is certainly no obligation on the part of the accused to feel grateful!) We need not expend any real effort in order to reap such benefits either - unless one counts honesty as an effort. The first step is simply to ask oneself a simple question.
What is my first reaction to the external expression that I am lacking in some/all areas of humanity?
The one before the other internal voices takes over and agrees wholeheartedly with the observations that I really am stupid/worthless/clumsy/evil etc.
Is my very first reaction anger? Is it denial?
Be honest, now.
I know it can be tricky, because there is only a split second in which to identify the burst of anger, or denial, or defensive retort (silent or otherwise). Then the rest of our inner multitudes jump in and begin to list all the reasons why we are, indeed, worthless human beings. (If, in fact, we are human at all! There’s a rather strong belief – or is it hope - that we’re just waiting to be re-united with the Mother Ship.). After that microsecond elapses, surrender to both the external and internal accusations is complete…but what of that argumentative reaction beforehand?
You recognise it, don’t you…that lone, pitiful voice raised in your favour?
Because you have to silence it in order for the others to scream their counter-attacks…
Yet although soon muted, that lone, niggling voice is nevertheless pretty powerful, don’t you think? (Or at the least, bloody persistent!) It is the one that stays your hand in the darkest hours and forces you to search for answers – for a cure to whatever the hell is the matter with you. It cannot (as you sometimes wish), be surgically removed. Nor will it obey your orders to ‘shut the f…er…hell up’ forever. It is not a good listener either. Despite all the proof you offer it to the contrary, it simply will not listen to the truth about you. It continues to reject the facts you feed it and insists that you keep going…endure…survive. It seems to think that you are actually worth something!
It is you.
Some people call it ‘the soul’…others ‘the psyche’…yet others ‘the core’.
(Most of us just call it a bloody nuisance.)
Yet it is the very heart of each and every one of us.
And it, like its organic namesake, requires exercise.
Take it out, dust it off, take it for walks…run with it…play with it. Most of all listen to it!
Allow it its little nod of smug approval when you are offered positive reinforcement – and you always are. On or offline, there are those who tell you that you are sensitive, caring, a ‘nice’ person…but you dismiss such compliments, don’t you? You think that they don’t know you as well as you know yourself. You think that ‘majority rules’ and since the majority of your internal voices know you to be worthless, then that lone voice in your favour is the crazy one.
You are wrong.
The ‘self’ you know is the one that someone else has created. That worthless self doesn’t, in fact, exist – except in your memory wherein also resides the sarcastic, scathing voices.
Why they created it is their bottom line…not yours.
Yours is simply to refute their stupid accusations. To support and protect your one voice. To realise that your mistakes are simply that…mistakes. Every human makes them and unlike them, you do not deliberately set out to hurt others - except yourself - and that, to date, is your only mistake.