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My Story

By Buttercup
51 Years Old

I have just read everyone’s experience and suffering with depression /agoraphobia. I believe you have done really well as you have taken one step forward with accepting what you are experiencing.

I had Agoraphobia for 8 years before I accepted that there was something wrong with me as I kept saying there is nothing wrong with me. My mother was reading the local paper one day in 1983 and this woman was speaking about her symptoms and that’s when mum said this is what you have. My father who was a paraplegic read the piece and said Bub this is what you have. The same reply came out. Nothing wrong with me.

Panic attacks /couldn't sleep/ wouldn't go anywhere with the family /lost 4 stone in a month couldn't eat. Then one afternoon I had 5 panic attacks in an 1/2 an hour. I got to the point where I couldn't walk to the letter box/ clothes line and relied on mum or my husband to take me shopping and I couldn't stay home.

Going to an Aggie meeting in Rock Hampton and meeting others and knowing I couldn't die from this and there was a word with a meaning. I went to the Dr. and was put on sedatives.

I had to write down a list of what I wanted to do. There was 22 on the list but the most important one I had to put on the bottom which was I wanted to drive the car. We formed a group in the town where we lived and helped each other and getting one particular lady out of the house.

My illness came from my late father having an accident at the mine which left him a paraplegic. I am driving and doing things but each one I have done I have rewarded myself and I couldn't have done it without the wonderful support and patience all those years back from my family /a wonderful caring husband and our children.

Yes my dad died in 1996 and in 1997 I had the biggest panic attack I ever had while driving. I went home and rang a friend I said I think I'll lie down for awhile and after that I never drove for 4 years. I relied on my family once again. On the road to being ok again.

I do calligraphy and craft and what wonderful medicine. I do cross words and that’s how I test if my head is functioning well. Now we are going through another worry as our oldest son is going through depression and admitted he has agoraphobia.

A lot of anger, mood swings, blaming others, gone off tablets. We want to help but trying to find right way to get around it. Affecting his marriage and has 2 boys and another on the way. I'm in limbo as to what to do next.

- September 2005


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