It all started back in the year 2000. I was diagnosed with major depression on top of a major anxiety disorder, paranoia. I thought what the doctor was saying was a load of rubbish. I dismissed his diagnosis for a while until one day I had a really bad panic attack.
It was only then that I could see I had a problem that I didn’t know how to deal with. So I did what I thought was best, drank loads of alcohol and didn’t stop until I was blotto. By then it was too late to do anything about the state I was in, after all what I thought I was doing was healing the pain; making it disappear. But I was only creating another destructive cycle, alcoholism!
I spent in excess of $100.00 a week on booze, and not just any alcohol it had to be spirits and it had to be top shelf. Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, you name it I drank it.
Nobody knew what was going on at first. That was until the day my father found about 4 empty bourbon bottles hidden in my wardrobe.
The shit hit the fan then. It was on for young and old. “You bloody idiot, don’t you know you can’t drink this stuff like it’s water?”
“Oh but I can and I will” GET STUFFED!” “I can do what I want with my money, I earn it!”
“NO YOU BLOODY CAN’T, I’LL TAKE YOUR EFTPOS CARD OFF YOU IF YOU KEEP THIS UP”
“LIKE HELL YOU WILL!” On it went for about two and a half hours. It was like two bulls locking horns. We were both as stubborn as each other.
I dried out for a few weeks just to trick him into thinking I had listened to him. Then off I went again. One bottle of Bourbon on the shelf, 4 bottles of Bourbon, take a swig now, then it’s gone, 3 bottles of Bourbon on the shelf. It was myself I couldn’t help. Or so I thought.
I continued drinking heavily for about another 6 – 8 months until it started to take more and more alcohol to satisfy my craving. It had reached an all time low, 3 bottles in the space of six hours. Even I had to face facts now, it was bordering on dangerous.
I didn’t attend AA meetings I just stopped buying alcohol and began to see a counsellor in Brisbane.
It took a while to resist the urge to skull a bottle or two of grog. But I managed to fight it and eventually get to a stage where I only drank at social gatherings.
Even now I dread the thought of what I use to do. Some might say that I still drink heavily but I think that 3 glasses of scotch in a 3 hour period isn’t unreasonable.
What are your thoughts? Have you experienced the same thing or been in a similar situation?
I now monitor what I drink and find that I am satisfied with 2 – 3 beers or 3 glasses of scotch over a three hour period. I now know my limit, and I stick to it.
I have gone on to bigger and better things. I now have a Government Job. I have started to write short stories and poems. My current total for my Poems is 71. I have decided to get my poems published when I have reached the grand total of 100.
I would just like to leave you with a few brief messages.
1 You are able to deal with difficult situations. All you have to do is persevere and believe in yourself.
2 Everyone is capable of wonderful things. You may believe that you are limited as to what you can do. But believe me anything is possible.
3 Finally I would like to leave you a philosophical quote that was used in a Robin Williams movie called Dead Poets Society!
“Carpe Diem Seize The Day! ”
- September 2005