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Moonlight's Page

By Moonlight

People have always asked me to describe what hallucinations are like and it is hard to put into words - auditory or voices - I guess an exercise people can try is to sit down in front of someone and start talking to them and then have one or two people come and say something entirely different each in either ear. Sometimes the voices are clear but sometimes they whisper making it very frustrating. I have had the refrigerator or the television say things to me and it is a frightening experience because you know that is not normal but it has happened.

Often I see things - visual hallucinations - like spiders (large ones). Often they run up my legs (tactile hallucinations) but I have seen people or animals in the house speaking to me. Its OK when someone is around because I can say "can you see that?" but if I am alone it can be terrifying because I have to ask "are you real?" and if they disappear, I know they aren't. For a while I used to see a man running at me with an axe in his hand but I haven't seen him for a while.

Sometimes I become delusional for instance, if I see my psychiatrist and I believe he is annoyed with me, I expect him to schedule me. Once I thought I saw a red car follow me all the way home after visiting him and ran into the house and had to get my husband to look and tell me it wasn't there. On other occasions I believe people can read my thoughts through my eyes and I have to wear sunglasses.

These are some of Moonlight's terrors that some will understand but some may find strange but then Moonlight lives in a strange world.....

- January 2001 -


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